Egg Retrieval

           

Fourteen eggs retrieved yesterday! On top of that we have our 18 frozen. Husband has been extremely nervous; I've never seen him this way- the anesthesiologist even commented on how nervous he seemed before I went in. Having been through the process not too long before plus the lower doses of stims, recovery so far has been night and day from last time; I been went to work today, I was tired but not too painful. 

It was all made worth it when I received word that 19 eggs fertilized!! Eight fresh and 11 frozen. I can't even believe it. The embryologist had had to come back and get another sample from husband again yesterday, saying there was zero motility. We do have some frozen sperm but not much and we don't know how his second sample panned out or how much fresh vs frozen sperm they used but I can't begin to obsess about those details. I need to use all of my energy on sending positive thoughts to the embryos in the lab: grow babies grow. 

Shots Shots Shots

http://youtu.be/XNtTEibFvlQ

I am pretty worn out and every time I've tried to write this, it is just complete garbage but I want to keep a record of my cycle so I've got it in a log form. 

Dear Diary, 

Sat

     - 6:30am baseline bloodwork and ultrasound

     - Started week 2 Couch to 5k (C25k) program

     - Start Gonal F injections, stick the bad boy in there like a champ (Gonal F has no sting and the needle is tiny there usually is no mark and no pain

Sun

    - Big fucking last second drive win by the Pats, big fucking walk off hit win for the Sox; late fucking night

    - Gonal F

Mon

- Walk into 8am sick kids 

Tues

- 630 bloodwork

- Hear the baby of three I watch waking up with nasty cough and breathing; it's croup. Scary shit. 

- Add Menopur

Wed

- Getting sick of taking care of sick kids

-Add Ganirelix 

Thurs

-Day off but had to go in for monitoring 

Sat

-Monotoring

Sun

- Monitoring and word that I don't have to come in until my Retrieval on Wednesday!!

Monday

- Hcg Trigger 

A Dog, A Friend, and Some Hope

All of the above are items that have died in my life since I had my egg retrieval. It only took a couple of days for me to start building up hope again after feeling the disappointment of hearing I would not be having a fresh transfer. My retrieval was on a Friday and by Sunday, I was feeling mentally back to normal and hopeful about our future options. 

On Monday my mother called to tell me our family dog was to be put down. Something I knew was coming but still not a blow you can really ever be properly prepared for. This was also during the height of my discomfort from the retrieval, so I simply hung up in tears but went back to sleep and I don't believe the reality hit me until much later in the week: I never really got to say goodbye. 

The week went on and I went back to work, still feeling uncomfortable but welcoming the distraction of busy days. I scheduled an appointment for Husband to go to the cryobank, certain that the day of retrieval was a fluke and anxious to do something to feel as though we were still working towards our goal.  It was not a fluke. The cryobank called the minute Husband walked in the door with the bad news: no sperm again; I did not even get a few hours to think positively or convince myself that things would work out. The hit was hard to take, I cannot lie. I held in my tears until Husband was out, but once they came it felt as though a darkness washed over me. What makes it even more difficult is knowing that he must be feeling disappointment as well and I cannot be there for him if he does not show his emotions and when I myself feel as though I'm barely hanging on. 

The cryobank was on Thursday, and on Friday, I picked myself up and off to my job, again ready to welcome the distraction. While I'm working, it's nearly impossible to even get a moment to go the ladies room, let alone wallow in self pity, which is what I love about my job. Halfway through the day, however, my mother sent a text saying a good friend of the family had unexpectedly passed in her sleep. Not having any extended family living closer than a 4 hour drive away, my parents had built a family out of close, local friends whom they had known long before the idea of us kids. We spent holidays and birthdays and every reason in the book to party with these people, so it is akin to losing an aunt or other close family member.

I have always despised those who count their losses and cry "why?" during times of distress but it is hard for me to take these punches and continue to say that they will make me stronger. It is true that this is life, and getting through the tough stuff is what makes the beautiful stuff so, well, beautiful. It is just incredibly difficult to see sunshine through the rain right now. 

                                          January 3, 2000 - July 1, 2013

One Week Post Retrieval

You can read about my retrieval experience  Here and   here.

It has been exactly a week and, while my mentality and outlook on the situation have done a 180,  I thought I would share my physical recovery experience that they just did not warn me about prior to the retrieval*.

                                      

                                          You'll want a heating pad for you recovery. Bonus if you have dogs that like to act as heating pads on top of heating pads. Mine have been rotating turns on the belly all week. **beware of jumping dogs**

• If they end up retrieving eggs from you, you're probably going to develop OHSS and it's going to be uncomfortable. During an ultrasound I ended up having yesterday - more on that later - the tech informed me that my "ovaries are kissing!" Sounds wayyy cuter than it is. 

• The follicles that you've been watching grow for the past week and a half will not start to shrink, rather they will fill with water and which will cause you to look like you're either already in your second trimester, or a giant boozebag. 

• You will not be pooping any time soon. 

• You will want to lie down, this will make it oh so much worse. Try to recline only, at all times, including during sleep. 

• You'll be hungry at first and happy that you're being encouraged to indulge in high-sodium French fries and saltines. Then you'll realize that you aren't pooping any time soon and the novelty of eating altogether will wear off. I particularly enjoyed the nausea on top of the bloating that I experienced. 

• The bloating is not going down in 2-3 days like they promised. Try more like 2-3 weeks. 

• The novelty of having big boobs also wears off quickly. They're sore, you feel every small movement in them, and they just look gross when your body isn't meant for them and neither are any of your bras.

I really like to think that I have a high tolerance for pain, I'm a tough bitch, and it's not that my recovery has been painful past the first few days, it's just been uncomfortable to the max. The idea that I wasn't getting a transfer when I had planned also added to the annoyance of the pain: I can't say for sure, but I have the feeling I would've accepted the recovery process much more had I known that it was with the goal of getting a sweet, sweet, embryo into me on day 5. C'est la vie, though, and as 

 I'm sure I'll learn many other valuable lessons throughout this process, I wanted to share my experience for anyone else wondering what you might expect. 

*Bearing in mind that all experiences are different and that, because of the absence of the transfer-preparation hormones, my body is slightly out of whack and trying to produce extra progesterone, etc. 

Trigger Happy

This title is super duper fitting in light of the Aaron Hernandez arrest. 

The past nine days have included:

-6 days of blood work

-5 ultrasounds (the dildo camera kind)

-23 stim shots

-6 mornings of up and out the door by 6 (which means all of the days are like that now. Thanks, scumbag inner clock).

And last night was 10000 units hcg and we have triggered!

                                    

                 The needle that went in my ass last night. Looks worse than it feels

My abs and back got a bit sore the past two days, but only in that "I just had a great ab workout and it hurts when I laugh" way. I'm actually shocked that I even remember what that feels like- I've absolutely gained a few pounds and have been doing no working out other than my normal daily movement (arguably more than most people's daily activity*). Bonus: my boobs look fantastic, despite being so sore that I have to grab them when I go down the stairs. 

Now my stomach felt a little crampy this morning, but here's hoping that is just the feeling of plentiful eggs growing in there!

So tomorrow is the big egg retrieval. I know some people get weird about procedures and stuff but I'm sweating the "no makeup, nail polish, or contacts" rule. I don't want my eggs to be retrieved out of a hideous creature.

*By "most people" I just mean those morbidly obese people at Walmart who use the motorized carriages.